


Chez Amethyst

by CaptainJZH



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Bad Cooking, Cooking, Diners, Food, Future Fic, Gen, Post-Canon, diner lingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:40:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27228247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainJZH/pseuds/CaptainJZH
Summary: Amethyst opens a new restaurant in Little Homeworld, inspired by her own...unique palate.
Relationships: Amethyst & Greg Universe, Amethyst & Jasper (Steven Universe), Amethyst/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Chez Amethyst

Gems of all shapes and sizes gathered inside the new restaurant inside Little Homeworld — built out of an old railway car, much like classic “diners” of the 20th century. A large, purple neon sign sat above the entrance, featuring Amethyst in a chef’s hat, giving a thumbs-up. Below it were the words  _ Chez Amethyst,  _ flashing intermittently.

Inside, a mish-mashed collection of couches, chairs and tables lined one side, all sourced from Amethyst’s junk collection. An old jukebox sat in the corner, playing heavily-scratched records from the 1950s. Right now, it was playing  _ Johnny B. Goode,  _ but endlessly repeating the part that went “A log cabin made of earth and wood...”

Snowflake Obsidian and Larimar sat down at a booth and looked over their menus — written in both Gem Glyph and English. Jasper rode up to them on rollerskates, wearing a bright pink apron.

_ “Hello,” _ she growled. “Have you passed Amethyst’s shapeshifting class?”   
  


“I got a D!” Larimar smiled.

“And I can’t shapeshift so I got a special dispensation!” Snowflake Obsidian said.

Jasper sighed, pulling a piece of paper out of her apron and handing it to Snowflake. “Chez Amethyst does not hold any legal responsibility for inconveniences caused by the lack of a digestive system, blah blah blah,” Jasper recited. “Just sign it and order something.”

Snowflake signed her name and handed the paper back to Jasper. “I’d like the Blue Plate Special! I don’t know what it is, but it sounds cool.”

Larimar nodded, looking over her menu (which was written on pages from an old phone book). “A hockey puck! With...sand?”

“Good choice,” Jasper said, rolling her eyes. She skated over to the counter, which lined the other side of the restaurant. There was a window that led into the kitchen, where Amethyst worked.

“Hey!” Jasper shouted. “You got a hockey puck with sand and a blue plate special!”

“I’m on it!” Amethyst nodded.

She reached into a bag of actual hockey pucks, dumping them into a deep fryer and pouring a ton of sand in. She then grabbed some paper plates and spray-painted them blue, throwing both orders up on the windowsill.

“Yo, Jasper! Order up!”

As Jasper grabbed the order and skated away, Greg sat down at the counter. “Hey, Amethyst,” Greg waved.

“Hey, Greg!” Amethyst said, hopping through the window to greet him. “Like the place?“

“It looks great!” Greg complemented. “Any recommendations?”

“The fish eyes go great with axle grease,” Amethyst said. “Though  _ personally  _ I like the shingles, with a shimmy and a shake.”

“...Is this all diner lingo?” Greg asked, concerned.

“What? Oh no, it’s all for real, man. I get the shingles off Vidalia’s house; she’s getting her roof re-done!”

“...Do you have any, uh, human-oriented meals?”

Amethyst reached under the counter. “Oh right, right, we have, get this, ‘Happy Meals.’ Made especially for you meatballs, heh.”

“Are you allowed to call them that?”

“Zircon says that since Little Homeworld falls under its own special jurisdiction, we can do whatever we want! Anyway, it’s all plant-based, too, since I get all the food from Peri’s greenhouse.”

A truck crashed into the back of the kitchen, with fruits and vegetables pouring out. “Sorry!” Peridot called out.

“Be right back,” Amethyst nodded, hopping back through the window. “Order whatever you want!”

“Hello, Amethyst,” Peridot greeted. “I have arrived with your weekly shipment of ‘produce.’ Shall I receive, erm, payment?”

Amethyst blushed slightly, leaning forward and giving Peridot a kiss on the cheek. “That enough?” she asked, winking.

“More than enough, dear Amethyst,” Peridot said with a giggle.

The deep fryer then burst into flames. “Damn, must’ve put too much motor oil in it this time. Catch ya later, P-man!” Amethyst said, rushing back to her work.

Jasper skated up to the window, with new orders. “A radio sandwich with bullets in the alley.”

“Heh, now I finally get to use that radio,” Amethyst snorted. “Ah shoot, we’re out of bullets, though. Eh, I’ll substitute it with some bricks. Same thing, right?” She looked up and saw that Jasper was gone. “Yeah, same thing,” she said as she dumped some bricks into the fryer.

She loved her job, getting the people of Little Homeworld to experience the kinds of meals she enjoyed. Pearl even tried some, even if she called it “an acquired taste,” whatever that meant.

For Little Homeworld, it looked like  _ Chez Amethyst  _ was there to stay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to e350tb for beta-reading!
> 
> Fun fact: Everything Amethyst says is IRL diner lingo, except she takes it literally!


End file.
